Quite often, I get asked to do these annoying chain questionnaire things, where other bloggers send me a list of questions and expect me to answer them and link back to their blog. I usually ignore these requests. I’ve got better things to do with my time, as you know.
Right now, however, I am procrastinating. My PhD thesis is staring at me accusingly from both my desk (hardcopy) and my computer screen (digital copy), going, ‘just fucking proof read me and hand me in you daft bint.’ And I’m ignoring it, using a variety of ingenious methods – like, for example, running my colleague David through the profile pictures of all my male Facebook friends – in the hope we’ll find one who he’d deem it acceptable for me to date, should they ask me (impossible), checking my mobile phone messages to see if I’m loved or desired by anyone other than my mother (I’m not) and just generally casting about for things to do that might waste half an hour or more of my life. And then, as if by magic, one of these questionnaire things appeared in my inbox, courtesy of someone called oscarpotterhead, who follows my blog (thanks darl), but who I don’t think I know personally.
So here are my answers:
1) Why is it that you blog? Sincerely speaking, are you one of those phoney, hipster bloggers who only do so because its “cool”??? Details, darling.
I started blogging because I had been single for six years and my ex-boyfriend, who I was still sleeping with, and with whom I foolishly hoped to one day reunite (maybe, but then again, whenever he said he might want that too I FREAKED OUT, I dunno, sometimes a girl just wants options), told me he was moving to China with his new lover. It was either write some of that shit out or go mental. I did both.
(I once wrote an extended version of this story over on Culture Vulture, this other website I write for, so, if you’re really fascinated as to the roots of my blogging you could read that, by clicking here. Or not. Whatever, it’s your life.)
BTW: I don’t think blogging is “cool”. I think it is the least cool thing I do (but then, I am fairly fabulous), and if it weren’t for the fact that the words I write here sometimes get me compliments, I wouldn’t tell anyone about it. Ever.
2)Name the one best and worst thing about the society you live in currently.
Best Thing: The Internet and air travel allowing me annual access to Baja fish tacos.
Worst Thing: Sexism, one night stands, emotional results of the two combined.
3)Tell me about that one incident from your childhood (Below the age of 9) that completely changed you as a person.
Not to put a downer on the proceedings, but realising I was going to die, one unspecified day in the future – that was pretty life altering and radical.
4)The one gross habit you have and are not really so bothered with, contrary to popular belief.
I drink cold tea that’s been on my desk or my bedside table for a couple of days. So long as there’s no mould, it’s all good.
5)The one food you would never be able to give up and the one that you would never even touch, let alone eat.
I always say that if there was a heaven they would have marinated artichoke hearts and ice-cold cans of full fat coca-cola on tap, just for me. But there probably isn’t a heaven so I do what I can to indulge in those pleasures while I’m here on earth.
Tripe is pretty gross, as a concept.
6) The one friend you have who has impacted your life more than anything or anyone else. Positive or Negative.
Ooh. Now. I cannot pick just the one. That would be unfair. I am grateful for all of my friends, who show me what it is to be loved. I’ve even got room in my heart for the bad ones – who I don’t see any more, because, well, life’s short, and you did not make me feel good about myself.
7)The one goal/aim/aspiration/dream that if you do not achieve, will rob you of the desire to live normally.
I just want to keep writing. It’s what I think about 68% of the time, when I’m not thinking about my PhD, or sex, or boys, or babies.
8) What do you think happens after you die?
I think we get to try again. Like in Kate Atkinson’s book Life After Life.
9) If you were writing a novel and were one of the characters, how would you describe yourself? (Try and keep it limited to one paragraph.)
Everything about her was tiny, when you first looked (apart from her breasts, and her eyes). But it was as if she didn’t know how small she was, so you forgot after a while too. She liked confrontation – but really, the fight was just a brittle shell covering something softer, underneath. Although there was probably also another, deeper, darker, viscous layer – like tar, or petrol. The thing was, she didn’t let you see that, at first.
10) What is the one situation you pray that your parents never, ever discover you in?
I hope they never see me very ill, or injured. Or really unhappy again.
Okay, now I have to nominate some bloggers and ask them questions. I don’t really know any bloggers though. So, I’ll just nominate the two that come immediately to mind:
These are your questions:
1) Tell me about a vivid dream you had.
2) Why did you choose that dream? There must have been a better one, surely?
3) Tell me about some music I should listen to.
4) Why that music?
5) I want to know what you think of me.
6) Thanks. And, now, tell me about your best qualities. If you were to do a dating profile, what would it say?
7) What are the main qualities you think are important in a lover?
8) Five years time. Dream you. Go:
9) You have to give up one thing: writing or sex. Choose.
10) If you were writing a novel and were one of the characters, how would you describe yourself? (Try and keep it limited to one paragraph) (I know I copied that from my own list of questions but I enjoyed writing it.)